


We Won't Leave You Behind

by FormulaFerrari



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: F/M, Hurt, M/M, Post Incident, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-10
Updated: 2014-10-10
Packaged: 2018-02-20 16:21:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2435225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FormulaFerrari/pseuds/FormulaFerrari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <span class="flashback">@RGrosjean: Woke up after a strange night... Thinking a lot about our friends @Jules_Bianchi and hoping for some positive news today! #forzajules</span>
</p><p>  <span class="flashback">@alo_oficial: 20h de vuelos y conexiones pero ya estamos en Rusia. El cuerpo ha llegado, la mente no se separa de Jules en Japón. #ForzaJules</span><br/><span class="flashback">[20 hours of flights and connections but we are in Russia. The body has arrived, the mind is not separated from Jules in Japan. #ForzaJules]</span></p><p>*Post Japan 2014*</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Won't Leave You Behind

**Author's Note:**

> I am warning you: this work is based on the events of Japan 2014. It's focus point is on Jules. I do not express any explicit imagery of the accident itself, I focus only on the other driver's reactions to the event. I have placed this warning here because if you feel that this work may, at all, offend you please do not read it. It is not a happy read but very much reflects the mood of the paddock currently in Sochi. 
> 
> I wrote this work three days ago and have been flitting between actually posting it or not every since. I have decided that I want to. This is my way of dealing with the horrific event. I use my writing of fiction to express emotions that I don't have the opportunity to or understand how to express in the real word. This is my personal way of dealing with the horrible news surrounding Jules. 
> 
> You do not have to like what I have written, nor agree, but I would like to request that if you feel this way about this particular work or that it could potentially offend you then please do not read it. I have posted this as my way of dealing with Jules' accident. It is my way of dealing with it. 
> 
> If you do decide to read it then I hope you feel I have done this tastefully. My intention was never to offend anyone and I am so very sorry if I have. I am simply using this form of medium to express my sadness and the sadness I am struggling to comprehend that we see from the drivers. 
> 
> #ForzaJules - may you come back to us soon
> 
> \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Since the races were so close together, it wasn’t very surprising that all of the drivers had ended up on the same flight. Nods were exchanged as the solemn men passed each other in the boarding lounge. Some exchanged sad smiles. No one really knew what to do with themselves, each dreading the moment they had to shut their phone off and disconnect themselves from the constant update of news. It was quiet, abnormally so. But then again, was the accident so abnormal? The mood fit the moment. None of them wanted to leave. Already Felipe had stormed back towards customs, demanding they all boycott the next race. He had been met with twenty shaking heads. It’s not what he would have wanted them to do. He would want them to race on.

When the woman over the tanoid called for the passengers at boarding gate seventeen to make their way to the plane, twenty-one perfervid men rose to their feet, shuffling like zombies away from the one place they all wanted to stay.

 

 

Sebastian settled in his seat near the front of the cabin. His head was still spinning, his mind still racing. It didn’t make any sense. Sebastian couldn’t understand how it had happened. It was like someone had grabbed something from the 1970s and dropped it into the wrong era. Things like this didn’t happen in Formula One anymore. The cars were built like titanium houses. Indestructible. Safe.

But maybe not where coming face to face with a JCB at about 160mph…

The German sunk low in his seat, shutting his eyes and trying to force away the images the media had forced into his memory. He didn’t want to think. For one night he just wanted to close his eyes and sleep. Not be haunted by the nightmares… God know how Adrian must have felt. Shaking his head frantically, as if that would help remove the thoughts, Sebastian squinted his eyes shut tightly. He forced himself to think of Emilie; his gorgeous daughter whom he was determined to make so proud. That did nothing in terms of helping. His brain threw him back to that point: _What if that had been you? What would they have done?_ Sebastian couldn’t allow himself to think like that. He would never get in a Formula One car again if he did. _It was a freak accident. No one could have seen it coming._ He chanted, per usual. A startling thought had his eyes blown suddenly wide open.

_Then why couldn’t it be you?_

“Seb, please stop this…” A soft voice muttered in his ear, strong arms wrapping around his hyperventilating body. He curled into Kimi’s embrace, gripping tightly to his shirt. “Was an accident. Will not happen again.”

“You don’t know that…” Sebastian whispered back, loosing himself in Kimi’s collar. He smelt familiar. It was comforting.

“I do. Nothing will happen to anyone else. He will be fine.”

“You don’t know that either…”

“Seb, you have to stop this torture. Do not let it ruin who you are.”

“It’s ruined who he is…”

“Sebastian, stop it.” Kimi bit harshly, clutching the younger man tighter in his embrace.

Kimi knew Jules. Over the past ten months he had grown closer to the young Frenchman. Both being evolved in Ferrari sponsor events had them sharing late night beers and joking about smelly old corporate heads they had to hold their breath and smile with for the camera. Jules had Romain qualities in him, which was nice for Kimi. It made him feel slightly stable in a team that had changed so much since he had left it in 2009. Jules made him feel that Romain was still with him, in theory. The intoxicating ‘cool’ attitude he held feeling so confident in himself had Kimi sometimes feeling lie he was looking in a mirror. He became a small connection back to Kimi’s old team. But then Jules also had an essence of Fernando. That bold, competitive ‘I-will-do-anything-I-have-to-to-win’ attitude. And it was adoring to see Jules almost glow around Fernando, the easy flow of their jokes that represented that they had both work with Ferrari for almost the same amount of time. Jules and Fernando were familiar. Jules became Kimi’s bridging point from Lotus to Ferrari. His ex-teammate and new teammate rolled into one.

It hit him hard when he found out the extent of Jules’ accident. But Kimi had had years of keeping his emotions safely locked away. Hidden from prying eyes until he was somewhere private with Minttu.

Only she would know how he didn’t sleep at all that night, quietly sipping on a whisky as he looked out at the night sky. Only she would know how many tears splashed onto his cheek as she crawled into his lap, placing his free hand on her stomach to echo the more positive future. That it was not only bad news.

 

Jean-Eric and Daniel were inseparable. Daniil was astounded by just how close the pair really was. This was telling, no doubt. Daniil was struggling to comprehend what had actually happened to end the race. His brain simply wouldn’t accept that Jules wasn’t going to be racing in Sochi. He expected to turn up to the paddock on Friday and have Jules smiling a few garages down, joking with his mechanics, talking about the weather, the set up… Just like normal.

Although nothing was normal now. Everything had changed and now there were talks of closed cockpits and slow down zones when yellow flags were waved. Someone had even suggested a safety car whenever a car went off track. Some of the ideas were getting ridiculous. They all knew motorsport was dangerous but to take the racing away all together? What was the point? They all knew the risks they took when they put on their helmet, when they climbed into the cockpit. But it was their style of life. They loved to live like this.

Daniil agreed with the GPDA chairman; the facts needed to be evaluated carefully before any decisions were made. A knee-jerk reaction would potentially do more harm than good.

“Jev…” Daniel whispered, pulling the Frenchman closer. Jean-Eric snuggled into his hold, the armrest that was between them having disappeared as they sat down.

“Mmm…”

“Everything will be fine.” Daniel said thickly. Daniil couldn’t help but turn to face his new teammate.

“Everything will be fine…” Jean-Eric repeated in a watery voice. Daniil got the impression that was not the first time the words had been exchanged between the pair. Jean-Eric moved closer still to Daniel’s protective embrace. They all knew Jules well but Jean-Eric shared his language. He remembered little joking comments Jules had made in the past that had the other drivers frowning in confusion. Apart from Romain, Nico Rosberg and Fernando. They were nice moments, making him feel connected and supported in the sport, something he sought out often with his Formula One career hanging on a thin thread. Jean-Eric had started to get used to the idea that he may not be in Formula One next year. He was not ready to accept the same for Jules. He couldn’t see why they were even going to Russia. Why on Earth were they racing whilst Jules’ life hung in the balance?

As much as Daniel wanted to support Jean-Eric through this hard time the shock of it had broken him down as well. He didn’t see the point in prating around in the paddock, dancing or pretending to be a ninja. It didn’t feel right anymore. Formula One had always been fun, exciting, safe. Now that four letter words had begun to crack and Daniel wasn’t sure if he felt as safe as he had before. Because no one could have predicted Jules’ crash. No one could have done anything to prevent that from happening. Not once the race had started. It was just bad luck.

 

“Esteban, leave him.” Nico Hulkenberg implored for the hundredth time. Esteban wasn’t listening. He was staring across the aisle at Adrian.

“He should talk about it. Bottling it up won’t help.” Esteban muttered back. Nico grabbed his shoulder before the young Mexican could move.

“Don’t.” Esteban was shocked to see the tears in Nico’s eyes.

“But if he just-”

“-He’s been made to talk about it enough. Leave him alone.” Esteban didn’t understand Nico’s tense shoulder, his watering eyes, his tightly folded arms. Esteban was just trying to help. Adrian hadn’t been seen by any of them since the paddock on Sunday. Some of them weren’t even sure he was going to appear for the flight. The haunted look in the German’s eyes and the way he seemed distant from the conversation even if he was completely involved; it had Esteban worried about his teammate. It seemed every time more news about Jules came out Adrian would get worse.

None of them knew Adrian blamed himself. If he hadn’t have crashed his car… If he hadn’t have got out so quick… If the truck hadn’t have come out onto the circuit to recover his car… _Same accident, different outcomes…_ He could barely stand to comprehend the thought.

“Esteban, stay in this fucking chair.” Nico bit.

“I want to make sure he’s alright.”

“Of course he’s not. Just leave him the fuck alone.” The German snarled. Esteban frowned round at him.

“What’s the matter with you?”

“What’s the matter with me?” Nico returned, bamboozled by the Mexican’s question. “Are you seriously asking that?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t know if you remember, Esteban, but Jules is-” Nico couldn’t finish the sentence. He collapsed back into his chair turning to face the window. He couldn’t stop the tears. They refused to stop. It didn’t matter who he was with or where he was, the moisture would rush down his face. Esteban touched his knee.

“Yes, Nico, of course I remember…”

“Then just leave everyone alone. You can’t fix this.” Nico spat, shoving Esteban’s hand off him. It took five seconds for Esteban to not be able to stand the silence. He couldn’t do it. He refused to sit and think about Jules stuck in a hospital bed, rigged up to all sorts of machines. That wasn’t how he knew Jules. That wasn’t how he would think of Jules. He refused. When he unclipped his seatbelt and moved down the cabin, Nico was almost grateful. The Mexican stopped, leaning against the toilet door. Extracting the golden cross from under his shirt he clutched it tightly in his hand. He had seen Jules wearing the one his mother had given him about four years ago only a few days earlier. It was Esteban’s hope. The hope he would hold onto tightly.

 

“We drank fucking champagne.”

“Nico, you need to move on from this.”

“We shouldn’t have had a fucking podium.”

“We did what was right. We celebrated respectfully.”

“He’s there fighting for his life and we _drank_ fucking _champagne_.”

“Alright, stop.” Lewis had had enough of Nico doing this. Blaming himself for what, Lewis didn’t know. He just needed Nico to stop.

“This is really serious, Lewis.” Nico shot darkly, more tears sparkling in his eyes. Without even thinking about it Lewis caught the first one before it could reach his cheekbone.

“And right now there is nothing more we can do for him. We just have to support him.”

“We shouldn’t be racing.”

“We can’t just stop the season because of a freak accident, Nico. The sport is bigger than that.” Lewis had tried to deliver the information softly but Nico had only heard how insignificant Lewis was making this all out to be. That hadn’t been Lewis’ intention at all; he was just trying to be realistic, remain calm.

“Of course you would say that now you are ten points ahead.”

“Nico, I’d give the seven back without a blink of an eye if that meant Jules was here with us where he is meant to be.” Lewis returned. Nico blinked at him.

“What?”

“I don’t want them. I’d exchange them for him in a heartbeat.”

“But… It’s the Championship lead?”

“Do you really think that matters right now to me?” Lewis accused. Nico blushed slightly, giving away the answer without even having to utter a syllable.

“Sorry…”

“It’s Ok… Look, I care as much about his health as the next driver. This is a big shock, Nico, for all of us. But we can’t let it stop the season, stop the sport. That is the last thing Jules would want, no?”

“I guess…”

“He’ll be fine…” Lewis nodded, pulling Nico into a hug. The next words out of the German’s lips shocked the Brit.

“Can I pray with you tonight?” Nico asked. Lewis opened and closed his mouth a few times in surprise.

“Sure. But… But why?” Nico just shrugged.

“Just want to feel like I’m doing something to help…” Lewis tightened his hold on his teammate.

“Of course, man… Of course…”

 

Kevin didn’t like how fragile Jenson was. It was just one thing after another this weekend; first both of their seats became under pressure again (they had been so sure that no one would move and they would both be in McLaren in 2015) and then Jules. Jenson had been on the edge since he had got out the car on Sunday. Kevin never thought it would be him comforting Jenson but when the Brit broke down after saying goodbye to Jessica he knew he needed to step up. He was watching Jenson closely now, still sitting beside him, the Brit staring down the table tray on the seat in front with an exhausted expression.

“Jenson, can I-?” Kevin tried, but Jenson simply spoke over him.

“-Can you just…” Jenson’s voice broke on the soft three words and it had Kevin gripping tightly to his shoulder, forcing him not to break. Jenson lifted the armrest between them and sent Kevin such a shattered look the Dain had no choice but to fall into his arms. Jenson relaxed around him, breathing Kevin in deeply and closing his eyes.

“Is there anything else I can do?”

“Just… Stay with me…” Jenson whispered. Kevin squeezed Jenson’s hip gently.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Neither was Jules…”

“Jenson, please… Kevin muttered, curling closer to the Brit. “We have to be positive. We have to race for him this weekend. He’ll be back, he has to come back…”

“Freak accident…” Jenson scoffed. “I… Something should have been done to prevent this.”

“No one knew it was going to happen, Jenson. Don’t you think if they did something would have been done?” It still had Kevin shaken up that only two laps before Jules and Adrian had crashed he himself nearly lost it at that exact point… What would have happened then? Would it have been Adrian spinning into the JCB? Kevin didn’t want to think.

“They should have…. Have stopped the race earlier, started earlier, not let that fucking truck go out until we were all under the safety car…”

“Jenson-”

“-Something needs to change. That… This can’t happen again.”

“It won’t. Freak accident.” Kevin reiterated. Jenson looked down at him.

“It might happen again. You just don’t know that, Kevin. We didn’t think it would happen to Jules but it did…” Kevin squirmed uncomfortably in his seat, relaxing only a little when Jenson pulled him closer…

 

“He’s not talking.”

“To anyone?”

“Nope… Just keeps looking at his phone.” Valtteri converted his frown from Pastor to the silent Frenchman on the Venezuelan’s right.

“It’s a big shock.” Valtteri muttered to Pastor. Pastor just shrugged.

“Big shock for us all…”

“Hey, are you Ok?”

“Not really…” Pastor didn’t let his guard down. Never. He was notoriously known for crashing every corner. Assumed to only be in the sport because of the money he provided. He walked around and shrugged his shoulders like those comments didn’t touch him. They didn’t know just how much his race engineer had to persuade him that was wrong; that he was a good driver. None of the others knew how self-conscious he was about all the talk. Because he hid it. He swallowed down his emotions so he could remain strong and look invincible for his daughter. But this? This was new. Pastor didn’t know how to hide this. He was close to Jules, closer than most expected. They had shared a manager. He had had Jules over for family meals. Jules had been at Victoria’s christening…

“He will be Ok.” Valtteri said gently. An unexpected sniff had the Finn wrapping his arm around his shoulders. “This will all be Ok…” Pastor just nodded. “We will get something done about this. Soon. Something has to change.”

Romain briefly noticed the people on his left before averting his gaze back to his phone and the picture of his family he couldn’t stop staring at. What would they be doing if it was him stuck in Japan? Romain could barely stand to think.

 

“This is ridiculous.” Sergio seethed, turning back to Felipe after seeing too many desolate expressions. “How does something like this even happen?”

“Is a freak accident.” Felipe returned. “But, for sure, could have been avoided.”

“The light was too dark. Visibility was getting worse.”

“Was calling five laps from the end for it to stop. If they listen-”

“-Jules would be sitting here with us.” Sergio finished Felipe’s sentence, gaining a hard nod from the Brazilian.

“Something must be done.”

“Immediately.”

“Closed cockpits?”

“Something sooner.” Sergio gritted. Fernando turned away from the two men beside him, checking his phone and locking it aggressively when he still had no reply. He would have to turn it off soon… He decided to check twitter and see if there was any new news on Jules to distract himself.

“Stop torturing yourself with this.” Felipe muttered to Fernando. Fernando ignored him, feverishly scrolling through his timeline.

 

“This is very weird…” Marcus muttered to Kamui as he looked around the cabin. Kamui nodded slowly. “I mean… Have never seen everyone like this… Is odd, no?”

“Very…” Kamui muttered. Marcus didn’t seem to pick up his resentment for their topic of conversation.

“What do you reckon happened?” Marcus mused. Kamui turned to frown at him.

“What?”

“With…” Marcus sent a look around him, suddenly feeling sheepish. “With Jules…” He muttered.

“He crashed.” Kamui said bluntly. Marcus just shrugged, blushing.

“Yeah, but I mean, like… How?”

“What are you asking?”

“Do you reckon he really went under the tractor thing?” Marcus asked in a very quiet voice. He was sure Kamui paled.

“Have not seen the incident.”

“Neither have I… I just thought-”

“-Well maybe you should not think.” Kamui hissed. Marcus shrunk back in his seat. Kamui didn’t want to talk about it. If they didn’t talk about it then he could pretend it wasn’t happening. Completely deny it. Sit in his happy little bubble where everything was fine. It was a stupid attitude to take but Kamui couldn’t deal with it any other way. Marcus just wanted answers. He wanted to understand. He felt like there was a hollow pit in his stomach. He raced against Jules. Fought him for higher positions. He knew Jules. The whole situation just didn’t make sense and the Swede just needed it to be explained. His eyes fell on Adrian but he knew he couldn’t ask. That just simply wasn’t fair. Instead he sat silently in his seat, waiting for the airhostesses to do their safety demonstration. His mind still swirling with a million unanswered questions.

 

No one had seen Max since they all left Suzuka. No one had spoken to him. No one had asked him how he felt because they simply couldn’t find him. He moved up the cabin, cap pulled low over his eyes as he tried to be as invisible as possible. Everyone’s eyes followed him to his seat. No one could look away. Some of them exchanged hopeless looks after he had passed, wishing there was something they could say to cheer him up. The empty seat he fell beside hurt like hell. Such a defeated stance next to the reason they were all solemn. Fernando pushed to his feet.

“What are you doing?” Sergio asked as Felipe caught the Spaniard’s wrist. Fernando’s eyes were locked on Max.

“Helping.”

“Do not be ridiculous.” Felipe chastened, trying to get his ex-teammate to sit back down. But Fernando pushed past him, moving swiftly towards the vacant seat next to Max. All eyes locked on him as he moved towards the broken Brit.

“May I sit with you?” Fernando asked softly.

“Fuck off.” Came a murmured response.

“…Am just sitting.” An exasperated sigh left him confused as to whether that was a yes or no. “Is Ok. He is still coming with us-”

“-But he’s not, is he.” Max spat, glaring at Fernando. This made the Spaniard the first person to see how truly devastatingly broken Max was. His eyes gave him away on instant. “Just take the fucking seat…” Max sighed, closing his eyes. Fernando sat silently. He wasn’t planning on making Max talk, just giving him the opportunity to. He took his phone out of his pocket to read the text he had been waiting twenty minutes for.

_MARK: Call me when you land xxxxx_

Fernando contently shut his phone off, relaxing back into the chair as the airhostesses made their way down the cabin.

“Just want to be here for you, Max. Know this must be very hard for you-”

“-You’ve got no idea.” Max gritted. Fernando looked over at him sympathetically.

“We are close. Not as close as the two of you because you are teammates. Have a special bond. But am close to him as well. Just want to remind you you are not alone. Is Ok to be upset.”

“Because you are just oozing sadness.” Max snapped sarcastically in Fernando’s direction.

“Like you say, Max, you have no idea.” Max turned to face Fernando, looking at him closely. “You will not find what you are looking for on my face.” Fernando stated softly. Max huffed, turning away. “Am here, just in case you wish to talk or just need someone to be there for you. Is why I sit here.”

Fernando was sure Max was completely ignoring him. And that was Ok. But it was when the armrest disappeared from between them halfway through the flight and a head landed on his shoulder he knew he had made the right call. He manoeuvred his arm around Max, disturbing the Brit as little as possible and let him fall apart. Max caved into his embrace, dampening Fernando’s shirt as he sniffed quietly. He felt like a weak idiot until he felt soft moisture in his hair. That made him clutch Fernando tighter. Because he suddenly felt like he was holding the Spaniard together. So maybe Fernando wasn’t just sat with him to support Max. Maybe Fernando needed that connection to someone too, to be needed for comfort…

 

The flight was almost silent. Each driver leaving their thoughts behind in Japan with Jules. None of them would be in Sochi one hundred per cent. In some respects, none of them were leaving Suzuka that evening. Some fell asleep as the sun dipped below the horizon, some simply couldn’t. But they were all still thinking of Jules. Thinking of the one place they all wanted to stay.

Jules was still coming to Sochi: just in everyone’s heart and mind.

 

 

_#ForzaJules_

**Author's Note:**

> The next thing I post will be on a happier note. 
> 
> Thank you for reading. All of our thoughts and prayers are with Jules. 
> 
> *14*  
> #ForzaJules


End file.
